New Blog - This one with regular postings!

http://bittertakesthebar.blogspot.com/

Looking for answers, committing murders along the way

Based upon the following section from my book, it looks like FDA is going to kick my ass this semester....

A suntan product is a cosmetic but a sunscreen product is a drug.
A deodorant is a cosmetic but an antiperspirant is a drug.
A shampoo is a cosmetic but an antidandruff shampoo is a drug.
A toothpaste is a cosmetic but an anticaries toothpaste is a drug.
A skin exfoliant is a cosmetic but a skin peel is a drug.
A mouthwash is a cosmetic but an antigingivitis mouthwash is a drug.
A hair bulking product is a cosmetic but a hair growth product is a drug.
A skin product to hide acne is a cosmetic but an antiacne product is a drug.
An antibacterial deodorant soap is a cosmetic but an antibacterial anti-infective soap is a drug.
A skin moisturizer is a cosmetic but a wrinkle remover is a drug.
A lip softener is a cosmetic but a product for chapped lips is a drug.

Happy.

Close your eyes to corral the virtue, is this fooling anyone else? Never worked so long and hard to cement a failure.

So apparently I was supposed to complete an ungodly long packet for my moral character and fitness portion for the bar exam as of 3 months ago. Thanks for the head's up, law school. It's sad when word of mouth is the only way I find out these things.

Over the next few months, then, I have to:

* Take the MPRE (and pass it).
* Fill out the moral character form (read: book) and get fingerprinted.
* Finish my classes and attempt to study.
* Work 20 hours a week.
* Research assist for another 10-15 hours a week.
* Reduce my use of the phrase: "I don't care, I'm a 3L with a job" so as not to alienate the 3 friends I have.
* Graduate law school.
* Pack up and clean my apartment that I've lived in for the past 4 years.
* Move to California. (Which requires finding an apartment, which requires flying out to Cali at least once for a few days (more like a week if I listen to a friend of mine.))
* Register for Bar Bri (and take it - happy).
* Register for the Cali bar (and take it - happier).
* Pass the Cali bar exam (unlikely).
* Plan and take a bar trip somewhere far far away (which requires a passport, which I also need to get).
* Start work in the real world (happiest).
* Attempt to make my parents understand that I haven't died and that Cali hasn't dropped off into the ocean (which they are convinced it will) - but instead that I'm just a first year associate at a large LA law firm.

* And most important - finish Veronica Mars. And see the rest of "Accepted."

Remind me again why I wanted to do all of this?

All spit and spite you're up all night and down every day

Thanks to Prof. TSJ for providing his class with the link on how he grades exams. And finally, after 2 1/2 years of law school, everything is starting to make sense.

Evidence is over - now I have to prepare for failing CR/ST. Only 3 days away!

I really need to sleep.

There's beauty in the breakdown

Coffee tab at AFT - $13.30

Coffee, soda, and a BLT at Perkins - $9.26

3 Red Bulls - $6.25

Adderall from the kid at St. Thomas - $30.00 (Kidding.)

Pulling an all-nighter so I don't fail my evidence exam 45 minutes from now - Priceless.

A little less than a happy high, a little less than a suicide.

So I thought that being a 3L would guarantee that my insanity level during finals stayed to a bare minimum. I was doing pretty good up until today - no intense bacon and/or sugar cravings, not spending 15+ hours a day at coffee, having something that mildly resembled a social life.

Well, that's all come to an abrupt halt.

Today was my first long day at coffee in a long time - currently 10 hours in or so. It wouldn't be all that bad, but I got about 4 hours of sleep last night as a result of watching way too many episodes of Jericho at a friend's place until 6 am. The longer I've been here, the more entertaining I've become - to myself only. A few short days ago I was mildly annoyed when I came across a portion of my class notes that read: "Fuck-ton of notes missing." Now it's amusing. I put the "Don't Panic" sign from the Bar Review Weekly on the back of the computer - and plan to leave it there until I finish with finals. Too bad I can't see it.

I have about 30 charts for Crim Pro (and still going) - which started out with nice headings like "Probable Cause" and "Fruit of the Poisonous Tree." Within the last hour my accurate yet boring headings have been replaced by items such as "Police Can Be Racist and It's Doesn't Matter" and "It Sucks to Be Diabetic." I've even resorted to using homonyms... Riley is now the "Plane View Doctrine" case. I'm still the only one that finds that funny.

God help me.

I've also concluded the following:

1) There is no point to criminal procedure. None. It's just a shitload of cases thrown together in a book I paid too much for.

2) I'm going to straight up fail creditor's remedies. Or somehow learn all of the material in 2 days. Granted, if I had actually went to class I may have had a fighting chance - so it's my own fault. But who really goes to a class at 8 AM on a regular basis?

3) I shouldn't start to re-read anything by Rand in the weeks before my finals start. It's pretty much the equivalent to finding the Nintendo emulator first year of college, and deciding that there would be no way I could study until I beat Zelda.

4) I want more myspace comments. Because they are the only true indicator of how well you are liked.

I'm not an addict, maybe that's a lie.

Ah, the internal battle of being a 3L with a job lined up.

I want to study. At least in theory. But I don't. I force myself to go to coffee when I wake up (which lately has been about 1:00 PM in the afternoon thanks to late night Perkins runs and the discovery of tv shows on the internet). And I work diligently for about an hour before I want to leave. I didn't start outlining until about 3 days ago. Where has my closet gunner spirit gone? Why isn't the drive to make order of the coif enough to compel me to forgo social activities? I feel like I'm constantly justifying my refusal to work on the basis of my job - "Sure, I can go out tonight until 4:00 AM, school doesn't matter anymore." And then I contemplate my exams (which start in a week), convince myself that I'm going to fail those, fail out of school, and lose that precious job. Then I think of the forced curve and go out anyways. It's not really lazy behavior - it's just that my preferences have shifted lately and I want to go out more than usual. Yeah, I may be even considered "social" by some. Disturbing indeed.

As part of my plan to avoid outlining and sabotage my legal career, I started re-reading The Fountainhead a few weeks ago. I read it about 6 times between high school and college, but hadn't touched it since then. Perhaps I'm just trying to provide a rationale for my egotistical behavior as of late. It's working.

Lame Evidence Pickup Lines

And now, once again stealing the concept from The Unreasonable Man (as I did 1L and 2L years), are my own lame pick up lines - Evidence style. I figure if I can do this, it's probably as good as studying....

"Baby, you know you're required to ignore my prior bad acts as evidence of my propensity to hurt you again in the future!"

"I'm taking judicial notice of how hot you are - there's no way that's subject to reasonable dispute."

"If you were a prosecutor, I'd offer to plead guilty of the crime of loving you."

"Although it doesn't enhance my credibility, I just want to say that I worship you as my own personal jesus."

"I'll bring an expert in to testify how you make my heart melt, provided his testimony meets the Daubert standard."

"You had me so worked up in bed last night that I couldn't help making all those excited utterances."

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Yeah, I'm going to fail.

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Music: "Turn on Me" - The Shins (Off the new album, which will be released in January. It's amazing!)

She appears composed, so she is, I suppose...

Yes, I'm back. Temporarily. Until my employer finds this and forces me to take it down, or until one of the Deans decides my passing reference to a vodka collins was fostering alcoholism amongst my fellow classmates.

What actually prompted this entry was a horrific incident that occurred a few days ago at Subway. My need for bacon was at an all-time high (thanks to my realization that I'm going fail all of my classes this semester and didn't really care as I have a job lined up). So to subway I went, to get 4 pounds of a product similar to bacon put on a a piece of white bread with lettuce. Ahead of me in line was a chick who mildly resembled one of the housewives of Orange County - with a Louis Vuitton bag in tow along with a child that was about the age of 6. She had too much makeup on to be running errands, though not enough to mask the fact that she had had a load of plastic surgery done. It wasn't pretty. I'm going to call her Jean.

Jean is one of those individuals who thinks her child is god's gift to the world - so cute, so intelligent, so wonderful. Jean had her young daughter order her own sandwich, which normally I wouldn't give a shit about that aside from the fact that her young daughter incapable of figuring out what to order (besides the toy that came with her kids meal). Jean then proceeded to go through the entire menu with her daughter.

Jean: Do you want tuna?

Kid: No, I want the pink toy.

Jean: Do you want ham?

Kid: No, I want the pink toy.

Jean: Do you want turkey.

Kid: No, I want the pink toy.

And so on. At this point a substantial line had formed behind me. I was not amused. Neither were the people behind me.

Thankfully the child realized that she wasn't going to get the toy until she picked something to eat, and I was able to order my bacon feast. Unfortunately, that wasn't the end of it. The second the employee placed my load of bacon on the bread, Jean decides to look at me, aghast, and exclaim - "Oh my god, that's a TON of bacon on there!" Loud enough for the entire line of now 20-some people to hear. Thanks Jean. I was wondering if I had gone overboard on the bacon, and you really help clear that one up for me. I smiled in such a way to convey my hatred of her, and left it at that.

Then I looked down.

Jean's child had decided to lick the glass that separated the customers from the food.

It wasn't just a quick lick - her apparent goal was to cover the 6 x 3 foot glass with her saliva. It was like watching a leech with pigtails go apeshit. I couldn't look away... aside from pleading with my eyes with the Subway employee to make it stop. Then Jean looked down. AND DID NOTHING. Approximately a foot of the glass was covered in fluid at this point, and Jean just smiled (with no lines around her mouth, thanks to a recent botox injection).

If I only had the balls, I would have yelled out - "Oh my god, that's a TON of saliva on there!"

Thank you Jean, for making the bacon less appetizing. And for reminding me why I despise the vast majority of the public.

If you stay too long inside my memory
I will trap you in a song tied to a melody
And I'll keep you there so that you won't bother me.